


Leaf me be

by tav1sh



Category: Team Fortress 2
Genre: engineer and medic are team parents, team plays in a giant leaf pile
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-24
Updated: 2016-02-28
Packaged: 2018-04-27 20:00:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5062051
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tav1sh/pseuds/tav1sh
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Pyro stumbles along a rake in the garden, they and Scout decide that a leaf pile is a must. Also, Medic is Team Mom.<br/>(has some side fluff with soldierspy)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Backscratcher

**Author's Note:**

> i havent written tf2 fic in years. here is some fun friendship

It all started when Medic told Scout and Pyro to go into the garden shed behind the fort to look for extra cleaning supplies. The team had been running low for awhile, and with the new development of team’s recent food fight (a deadly battle waged between Scout, Heavy, Soldier, Demo, and Spy), they were in dire need. Scout grumbled about missing out on the fight. His only souvenir was a large ketchup stain that covered his entire left side. He very clearly remembered Soldier accidentally stepping on the bottle and accidentally (or was it a tactical move?) letting loose a huge spurt of the ketchup. He also very clearly remembered the deadly meatball (thrown by Spy) that had hit his head and knocked him into said ketchup.

  
Anyway, the two of them had gone to the back of the fort. Since they were stationed in Borneo and not in a dustbowl like Dustbowl, there were actual changing seasons, and thus there was a sizeable amount of greenery. The shed looked like it hadn’t been opened in several years, and Scout had to recruit Pyro’s help to pull it open. After they had successfully entered, Pyro had gotten bored pretty fast, and they went out to look around in the garden. So, Scout had search duty.

  
However, he had only been looking around for a little bit when he heard a mumbled exclamation of triumph.

  
“Mmph!” Pyro said from the garden. Scout got up from the accidental mess of cleaning supplies he had made and threw a tarp over it, and then went out to see what Pyro had found.

  
“What’s up, Py?” He asked.

  
“Brrcksrrchrr.” Pyro said, holding it up to show him. Scout did think that the item could indeed be used that way, but he was pretty certain that what Pyro had obtained was a rake. It had a wooden handle with a green metal head. A single leaf was stuck on the end.

  
Scout looked at the tool, and then his gaze shifted to the ground, which was covered in a bunch of freshly-fallen autumn leaves. Pyro and Scout locked eyes (mask?) and grinned.

  
***

  
Medic was preoccupied with a group of four mercenaries, who were all sitting in the back corner of the rec room. Engineer had jokingly built a little fence around it some time before, which was labeled with “Time-Out Corner.” However, Medic had put it good use several times already.

  
“What in tarnation were you boys thinking?” Engineer scolded. He and Medic were sort of the team parents, and were often the ones giving lectures on wrongdoing.

  
Heavy and Soldier were doing good jobs of looking like guilty children, but Demo had fallen asleep and Spy merely looked away haughtily, which was something of a feat, because all four of the full-grown adults were all squished together in a tiny pen. Sniper looked smugly from afar, having escaped the wrath of the team parents. Then, Medic sentenced him to cleaning up the mess with what little supplies they had until Scout and Pyro returned. While Medic and Engineer were talking to Sniper, Soldier let out a loud cough that sounded suspiciously like a triumphant laugh.

  
Sniper looked at Soldier dead on, but he had already gone back to wearing his guilty puppy face.

  
***

  
While Pyro was using the “backscratcher” for its designated purpose, Scout had to make due with his arms, because there were no more rakes. So he enthusiastically scooped up armfuls of dried leaves and carried them over to the growing pile. After the first minutes of working outside, he started getting cold.

  
“Hold up, Py. I’m gonna grab a jacket.” He announced. However, before he could go in, Pyro had somehow pulled out a track jacket out of the depths of their suit. “Oh sweet!” Scout took the article of clothing. He nearly put it on when he remembered he was covered in ketchup. Then, shrugging, he pulled off the stained shirt and pulled the jacket on top of his undershirt.

  
This was a normal occurrence. Who knew the end of the things trapped inside that sack? But Pyro frequently came up with useful things when hanging out with Scout, and they give a thumbs up. The two of them went back to gathering all the leaves from around the area. There was a woody, forested area not too far from the back of the base, so even after they exhausted the supply around the shed, they had another source.

  
***

  
“Herr Engineer, where is Scout?” Medic asked, clearly fed up with the team. “He and Pyro should have returned by now.”

  
Engineer frowned, thinking. “Dunno. S’pose I can go check while you keep an eye on these troublemakers.” Medic agreed to this, and pulled up a chair to sit on while watching the four said troublemakers. Somehow they had arranged themselves so that Heavy was sitting on the floor, and the other three were all in his lap, with Spy planted solidly in between Demo and Soldier. Spy looked long-suffering, although part of that was probably due to the fact that his expensive suit was soaked through with raw egg.

  
“Docteur… might we please get out of this ridiculous setup?” He asked quietly, clearly annoyed at being sandwiched between three of the bulkiest and burliest people on the team. The food fight had been disrupted right before he was about to get revenge on Soldier, so he was also irritated by that. This was also his first time in the time-out corner.

  
“Nein. Spy, you need to learn your lesson.” Medic replied sternly. “No food fights in the base.”

  
“But you cannot blame me! It was not my fault.” Spy folded his arms as best as he could. Medic opened his mouth to say something back, but suddenly Spy had stood up. “Docteur! You are not my mother! I am a grown man and you cannot force me to sit in this ridiculous fence!” Demoman’s hand suddenly touched Spy’s calf. The rogue looked down at him. Demoman wore a face of sympathy.

  
“Lad…” He began to say, when he was interrupted by looking at Medic’s face.

  
“Herr Spy.” He said. Spy froze at the tone of Medic’s voice. In about two seconds, Spy had somehow managed to climb out of the pen and was out the door. Medic smiled.


	2. Into the Void

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Engineer tries to find out what the heck Scout and Pyro were doing.

When Engineer opened the back door, he did not expect to see a massive pile of leaves that somehow was still growing before his eyes.

 

“Scout! Pyro!” He yelled as he walked around the pile. Engineer couldn’t find the two mercenaries, and he doubted that they would do something obvious like hide in the leaf pile. He moved to the garden shed. If he couldn’t find the two of them, he still needed to grab some supplies. The door opened with ease thanks to his metal hand, and he went on the prowl. Unbeknownst to him, most of the things he needed were hidden under a lumpy tarp in the darkest corner of the room. However, he continued to search anyway.

 

Meanwhile, Scout has having a hard time holding in his laughter. He and Pyro were indeed hidden in the giant leaf pile, which was big enough to cover their entire bodies and then some. Scout could see through a tiny gap in the leaves, and watched Engineer disappear into the garden shed. Pyro did a muffled giggle, and then suddenly came up with an idea.

 

Back in shed, Engineer was rummaging around the shelves. He could not find supplies of any sort and he grumbled. Then he spied a dark shape in the corner, and made his way to it. A piece of tarp lay on top of a bunch of objects, and he pulled it off to reveal his objective.

 

“There y’all are.” He said quietly as he bent over to pick it up. Thanks to the innumerous pockets and bags strapped to his body, he was able to carry quite a bit. “Where the heck are Scout and Pyro?” Engineer thought to himself as he closed the shed door behind him, arms clutching mops and brooms. However, he didn’t get very far considering a massive wad of leaves had suddenly hit him square in the face. The mops fell from his hands

***

Soldier, Demoman and Heavy were freed from the time-out pen after apologizing, and were all put to work helping clean up the disaster alongside Sniper. Medic was cleaning, too, but he was wondering where Engineer had gone. He had left a solid twenty minutes ago, and Medic had seen no sign of the man (Spy had escaped out of fear, and was currently curled up on the roof of the building).

 

“Where’s Truckie?” Sniper asked, looking up from the smear of barbecue sauce he was wiping at with a rag that had seen better days. They really needed those extra supplies.

 

“He better not be shirking his duties!” Soldier stood up suddenly. “Medic! Let us retrieve him!”

 

“Aye, let’s see what he’s up to.” Demoman agreed, eager to get a break from cleaning with minimal supplies. The cloth in his hands looked suspiciously like his pants, and his legs looked suspiciously bare. Heavy got up, too.

 

“Da. Is good idea.”

 

Medic thought it was probably a good idea for them to go together, considering a third of their force had vanished and never returned.

 

“Alright.” Medic agreed. “Let’s go.”

 

“Medic?” Heavy asked.

 

“Ja?” The doctor replied, looking at the disheveled mercenaries.

 

“Need to get new shirt.” Heavy said, gesturing at his stained, torn shirt. It had suffered many casualties in the fight. Demoman glanced down to assess his own state, and was mildly grossed out by the unidentifiable foods covering his shirt. He was also currently lacking in a pair of pants. Sniper was clean, but Soldier was also clearly in dire need of a fresh change of clothes.

 

“Go on.” Medic sighed, flapping his hands at them. Sniper chuckled.

 

***

Somehow, Engineer had hooked up a rather large scooping device to the front of his truck, and was currently shoveling masses of leaves into the fearsome pile. If Scout lied on the floor, the pile would be four times his width. It was lacking quite a bit in height, and only reached about half the height of Pyro. While it appeared as if Engineer was helping the other two out, if one looked closer, Engineer would often hit a button, which made the large scoop spring out and launch a rain of leaves down upon Scout, who was trying to throw small wads of leaves at Engineer. Considering they were leaves, they traveled about a foot before bursting apart and then floating gently down.

 

Pyro had first sat in the passenger seat, eager to see the contraption work, but had quickly gotten bored and went to jump around in the leaf-fall. After Engineer had joined in on the fun, he realized he needed armor to shield himself from the cold, and so had grabbed some jackets from his truck. He was currently sporting a coat with a soft, furry inside and his emblems on the sleeves, and had given Pyro his wrench-patterned scarf.

 

***

After the mercs had gotten cleaned up, Medic led them out to the back. However, when he opened to back door, he didn't expect to see a wall of leaves blocking his way. Medic looked back at the others, and then looked at the leaves again. Heavy cracked his knuckles and gazed solemnly at the obstacle. He gently pushed Medic to the side.

 

“We go.” He said, and then walked into the writhing mass of leaves.

 

“I like your attitude, private!” Soldier yelled, and disappeared behind him into the portal to hell.

  
“Come on then, lads!” Demoman laughed heartily, looped an arm through Medic’s and Sniper’s, and then dragged them into the void. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the first two casualties of the battle occur

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok this was supposed to be cute fun team times but somehow it turned into engineer becoming the ultimate villain idk thats just what happened

Medic, despite being half-shielded by Demo, could not escape leaves flying into his mouth. Somehow they were right in the thick of a storm of the leaves. What did Engineer do to anger Mother Nature in such a way? And where were Scout and Pyro? In fact, where did Soldier and Heavy go? They were lost in the swirling storm.

“Oi! Scout!” Medic vaguely heard Demoman’s voice amidst the rushing winds, and looked to follow his gaze. There, sitting crouched up on the garden shed that seemed miles away, was a lean figure hanging limply off the side.

“Scout!” Medic yelled out, tasting dirty leaf, and then was briefly silenced by a blue t-shirt half-stained in red flying directly into his face. It looked suspiciously like Scout’s clothes.

“Can’t hear us.” Sniper said as Medic pulled the garment off and hurled it into the winds.

Demoman tightened his grip on the other two mercs and dragged them forward against the forceful gusts. “Scout!” He yelled as they approached. The runner had not moved. When they reached the shed, they took cover by leaning against the wall that shielded them from the force of all of the wind. All three of them took deep breaths, finally relieved of the vicious gales that had buffeted them. Sniper stayed upright and climbed up on a crate nearby to see what was wrong with Scout. He managed to loops his arms around Scout’s hanging torso and somewhat-but-not-really gently tug him down into the safe area. The runner hit the ground with a thump, and his eyes snapped open.

“What’s wrong, boyo?” Demo asked, crouching next to Scout, who was in a weird slumped over position. Medic scanned him for any signs of injury, but could see nothing.

“It’s-.” Scout gasped out. “H-”

Just then the winds doubled in intensity. Medic could feel the shed rock with the force and he gripped the ground to keep steady. Scout lurched forward with the sudden force. Demoman pushed him back to lean his back against the shed wall.

“It’s hardhat!” Scout shouted.

“What?!” Demoman shouted back. The roar of the mini-tornado combined with the sounds of a million leaves slamming into the fort and whipping past them made it hard to hear. Medic barely heard anything. Sniper, who was standing behind Demoman, grabbed his shoulder so get within hearing distance.

“It’s Truckie.” Sniper said.

“Engie?” Demo asked in confusion. What did Engineer even do? Normally when supernatural things were going on at the fort, the blame would be rightfully placed on Pyro, Soldier or himself.

“What did he do?!” Medic yelled out. Scout reached out to Medic, landing a grip on his arm.

“The leaves! The wind! Medic, he’s gone too far!” Scout cried out, beginning to shake the doctor back and forth. “I just wanted a leaf pile like back home with my brothers! I didn’t want this!” Medic’s glasses nearly came off, and he merely furrowed his brows in confusion.

“What?” He said.

Suddenly, he heard a voice.

“MEDIC!” It called from somewhere in the swirling mass. Medic pushed Scout back and stood up, squinting into the storm. The voice had sounded like Heavy. He stepped out of the shelter, looking around.

“Heavy!” He called back, fingers anchoring his glasses firmly to his face. “Mein freund!”

Suddenly, he heard a loud thump behind him. Medic spun around to see a man in a pinstriped suit lying facedown in the dirt and grass. Spy, who had hidden from Medic by curling up into a fetal position up onto the roof, appeared to have somehow rolled off. Then again, the roof was slanted so it was no surprise that gravity had done its job. Spy lied there, unmoving, and Medic wondered if he had perhaps fallen asleep or unconscious. Suddenly he gasped wake, coughing as he pushed himself up. However, the moment he got to his knees, he was knocked over by the ferocity of the gales. Spy’s body was so limp that he even rolled a bit, being pushed only by the wind. It continued to roll, collected various leaves until Demoman took pity on the poor man and came out of the shelter to pick him up and return him to the safe area. Spy was placed next to Scout. He resumed his previous fetal position. Sniper looked down at them with a grim face.

“That’s two casualties, mate.” He said, and then looked off to where everyone presumed Engineer was. The eye of the storm. A large figure suddenly appeared in their line of view. Medic blinked before squinting again.

“Heavy!” He called out as the huge man came out of the leaves. Heavy, in all of his winter-hardened glory, walked towards them with a solemn face. In his arms lay Soldier. Medic’s face hardened.

“Soldier, no!” Demoman cried out. “My best friend!” As Heavy approached, one could see that Soldier was thankfully alive and attempting to thrash about. His attempts were foiled by Heavy’s overwhelming strength.

“Let go of me! It is my duty to punish that traitor! You will let me go right now!” He yelled. Heavy rolled his eyes as they all huddled behind the garden shed and placed Soldier upright on the floor.

Upon seeing Spy’s and Scout’s barely-moving bodies, he gasped.

“Scout! Spy!” He fell to his knees beside them. “That traitor will pay! You hear me boy?” He shook Scout, who flopped over onto Spy, who, despite being half-unconscious, managed to grimace in disgust and shift himself. “And you, crouton! I will avenge you!” Soldier promised, holding Spy’s hand with his two (who did not grimace in disgust). Then he lovingly embraced Spy.

“Je t’aime.” Spy murmured.

“Hah! I love you too, baguette.” Soldier said triumphantly, proud of the little French he knew.

“Awe.” Sniper said from the side, wiping away a tear. The entire team was a sucker for Soldier’s and Spy’s relationship.

“It’s safer in the base, maggots.” Soldier announced. “Let’s bring them there first.” Heavy acquiesced, and then picked up Scout while Soldier lifted Spy up in his arms. The two of them brought Scout and Spy to the rec room and covered them in copious amounts of blankets. Soldier gave Spy a little kiss, at which Sniper awe-d again, and then they returned to the battlefield.


	4. Engineer Why

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which engineer makes a tornado by accident

There normally weren’t times when Medic’s less-used medigun, the Quick-Fix, triumphed over his more commonly used medigun, the Medigun. However, with winds stronger than two of the mercs combined, it was time to take it out. The team was to launch a full attack on Engineer (and find where Pyro had gone) aided by a good Quick-Fix Charge, that would enable them to be unaffected by forces. Scout and Spy were out of the battle, having already been defeated, and were currently lying on the couches in the rec room while wrapped up like burritos. Spy was, as the team will eventually find out, attempting to roll down the hall to his room.

The rest of the team was gathered next to the back door. They only had a fraction of their normal force: Soldier, Demoman, Heavy, Medic and Sniper, so they would have to revise their battle strategy. All of them were equipped with the sides of a large crate that would act as shields against the wind, although Medic and Heavy would no longer need it after the Quick-Fix was charged. Sniper had found out Engineer’s location by going up on his perch (which was luckily out of range of the tornado) and looking through his scope.

The Texan was placed a solid two hundred feet from the back door of the base. So if they just walked in a straight line, they would eventually reach him.

The main idea of the plan was to have Soldier first approach Engineer from the front, while Demoman flanked him. While all this happened, Heavy and Medic would circle around to the back and use the Quick-Fix charge to get close and stop whatever monstrosity Engineer had created. Sniper, from the roof, would provide aerial support, such as pelting Engineer with objects or sniping whatever contraption was causing this whole mess.

“That is the plan, privates. Any complaints?” Soldier asked, looking around.

“Is good.” Heavy replied, nodding thoughtfully. Medic was halfway charged and Demoman seemed to be fine with whatever. Sniper smirked.

“That’s a good one.” He agreed, armed with a bag of carrots. For what, the rest of the team did not know, and decided to let it go.

The team (or what was left of it) sans Sniper, exited the door and were immediately greeted with forceful gusts of wind. Luckily, they all brandished their crate shields and managed to make to the garden shed without incident.

“I see ‘im.” Sniper said through their earpieces. “Don’t see the firebug, though.”

“Heavy, let us move!” Medic commanded, almost at full charge. Demoman and Soldier nodded to each other, and split up, Soldier forging his way forward while Demoman moved to the side. Medic watched grimly as they vanished into the swirling mass of leaves, and then nodded at Heavy.

“Truckie’s on uh, a sort of, giant fan?” Sniper suddenly said, sounding confused. When did Engineer find the time to do something like that? “He’s got fans attached on all sides?” Sniper continued. “Of his truck? Oh… mate…” He trailed off.

“What?” Medic reached a hand to his earpiece and repositioned it, unsure of if he could hear properly.

“He’s done it.” Sniper simply said.

“Sniper. Explain.” Heavy grunted as they continued circling around. Despite theoretically being within viewing distance of Engineer, they saw nothing.

“He’s Engineer-ed his truck.” Sniper clarified.

Medic gritted his teeth. Of course Engineer Engineer-ed his truck. The Schweinhund! But what else could he expect? First the toaster (which is now a walking toaster equipped with knives that sliced entire loaves, removed bread crusts and cut slices into emblem-shaped pieces), then the washing machine (which not only washed your clothes, but hung them up to dry and folded them while also shooting bullets at all who put in the wrong amount of detergent), and now this. But what could have made Engineer want to attach giant fans on all sides of his truck? Why did he want to create a tornado of leaves? Scout’s garbled explanation didn’t really help.

And where exactly did the leaves come from? Sure, it was autumn, but there were only so many trees near the base. Medic supposed Engineer somehow gathered leaves from the forested area not too far from the base.

“Ah, mate.” Sniper spoke again. “It’s not just the truck. There’re fans all around. That’s why we’ve got this tornado. They’re all facing in.”

Medic cursed and Heavy rolled his eyes.

“Engineer is credit to team. “ He deadpanned.

***

Pyro was sitting next to Engineer in the truck. Engineer had bribed them with candy. Thus, there was a giant pile of candy between the front seats and several candy wrappers lost somewhere in the storm.

“I reckon Scout’ll be satisfied with that.” He said cheerfully. Engineer had wanted revenge on Scout after that sneak attack, but then he decided he wanted to give him the best leaf pile time of his life. Thus, giant fans. Everywhere. Scout probably was having the time of his life.

“Mmph.” Pyro replied, somehow letting the candy phase through the gas mask and into their mouth (did they have a mouth?). The wrapped hard candies would enter the void and vanish. After some crunching ensued, the wrapper would pop out of the filter.

“Ain’t I just great?” Engineer sighed, clearly satisfied with his work. He didn’t let Scout’s dreams be dreams. He let them come true, while making Pyro happy on the side (Also, he was avoiding cleaning the base). Perhaps the rest of the team would join in on the fun, too.

***

Soldier was pretty close to the front now, and could make out the vague shape of a massive fan. directly in front of it. Behind the fan, mounted up on something big, was the familiar shape of Engineer’s truck.

It was harder to move forward now. Just holding up his crate shield was taking a lot of effort.

“Engineer!” He yelled out, angry about the casualties they had suffered. He could barely see the bright yellow construction hat inside the truck. “How dare you-” Soldier proceeded to go on a long-winded speech, and was unaware that Engineer could not hear it whatsoever.

***

“Srrdrr!” Pyro exclaimed. Engineer jumped and looked through the truck window. Sure enough, there was Soldier, standing directly in front of one of the giant fans and very slowly being pushed away while shaking his fist and shouting something.

“Soldier?! What the heck?!” Engineer could see that Soldier looked to be angry, and he was suddenly confused and hurt. Why did Soldier look so mad about his great deed? Suddenly a bright flash of light appeared in the sky. A couple of seconds later, a huge clap of thunder shook the air, and then the rain began.

“Rrt’s rrnrng!” Pyro leaned their head out of the window to see. Then, Engie became aware of something very bad happening.

In front of Engineer’s eyes, he watched as the winds that flowed in opposite directions suddenly began to wrap around each other. Soldier was unaware of this occurring behind of him. The horizontal funnel that had formed slowly got heavier on one end thanks to the rain, and touched down on the ground. Engineer’s mouth fell open.

Engineer, in essence, had just created a tornado.

“What in Sam Hill?”


	5. Pyro is Mad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i dont know what i had planned when i first started writing it but this certainly wasnt it

“So. Medic.” Sniper said through the mouthpiece. “There may be some, uh, bad news.”

Medic sighed, of course there was even more bad news.

“Ja?” He asked, dreading the answer. Then, it became apparent that the leaves slapping into his face had become wet leaves slapping with face. “Ach. Rain.” He slapped a hand to his head.

“Ahah. Well.” Sniper continued. “That’s nothing. Truckie may or may not have created a tornado.”

***

Demoman listened to the whole exchange.

"A tornado? I think Engie's finally impressed me a little bit." He commented.

"Soldier's in trouble, mate." Sniper added. "S'right behind him."

Demoman frowned trying to move faster. He was close to Engineer, and noticed how the gales pulled at him more forcefully.

"Why can't Soldier hear you?" He asked as he made his way to Soldier's position.

"Looks like he's screaming at Truckie. Hold up, let me try to get his attention." There was a brief moment of silence, and then Demoman watched something orange streak across the sky. He pressed down on the voice button.

“What the bloody hell was that?” He asked incredulously. Suddenly Soldier’s voice came through on the channel.

“Sniper! Why did a carrot just hit m- holy Mary mother of Joseph.” It sounded like Soldier finally saw the ungodly whirling vortex behind him.

“Alright, mates. I’ve got a clear visual on Truckie. S’got four fans on all sides of his truck, and three even bigger ones farther out and facing in. No idea how he managed to set all of that up in five minutes.” Sniper said.

“Sol, don’t worry lad, I’m coming over.” Demoman assured.

“Objection, private! Follow the plan! Tornado or not, we are going to get this traitor!” Soldier refused. “I’m going in!”

“Hold your damn horses, Soldier.” Sniper hissed. There was a resounding gunshot, and then the sound of something breaking down.

“Ooh! Nice job, private!” Soldier commended. Demoman assumed that Sniper had just shot the big fan in front of Soldier (although there was still a tornado behind him).

***

“Sol! Jesus, what are you doing?” Engineer called down to Soldier. Suddenly the fan facing Soldier exploded. Bits of metal flew as the rotors slowed to a stop. “What the-?”

Soldier looked like he let out a battle cry and began to climb up to the truck, which was positioned up on a massive power block that had been providing energy to the huge fans. “You scum-sucking maggot! How dare you turn against us in this way!” He climbed with ease. Engineer noticed that the tornado was getting closer. “I am going to beat you into the ground! And to think you were an American!”

Engineer gritted his teeth, frowning. He had no idea why the mercenary was so upset with him. But he could feel himself getting angry. All he had done for Scout, and this was how the team repaid him? But then again, he thought, it’s not like the team ever appreciated him for what he’s done. He remembered the toaster and washing machine incident clearly.

“Pyro, airblast him.” He commanded.

“Whrrt?” Pyro held up their hands in shock. “Rr crrn’t! Rrt’s Srrdrr!” They protested. Pyro’s flamethrower, which Pyro had brought earlier to blast away Scout’s attempts at throwing leaves, was sitting between them.

“Just do it.”

“Rr wrrn’t!” Pyro shook their head.

“Tarnation!” Engineer raised his voice and seized the flamethrower. (Sniper, who had been watching from afar, gasped. No one other than the firebug themself touched the flamethrower.) He leaned out of the truck and blasted Soldier off, who fell while shouting.

“Nooooooooo!” Soldier cried out, before hitting the ground with an audible thump. The tornado approached. Engineer collapsed back in his seat, placing the weapon back down before looking at Pyro. Pyro stared. Engineer realized what he’d done.

***

“Soldier’s in trouble!” Sniper called out on the channel. Demoman cursed; he had barely made it in time to see the fall. With his crate shield, he struggled to make it to Soldier’s body.

“I’ve got you.” He said as he pulled at Soldier’s arm.

“No!” Soldier managed to croak out, struggling weakly. “Leave me!” It sounded like some air had been knocked out of his lungs. “You… you need to avenge me!”

Demoman felt a tear beginning to well up.

“I… Jane… I can’t just leave you.” He whispered. “You’re my best *sniff* friend.”

“Look. Tavish.” Soldier coughed. “Look. It’s the end for me. Y-you need to stop that traitor.”

Demoman felt the lump in his throat. “Jane…” He barely whispered.

“Private, make me proud.” Soldier managed a weak smile before going completely limp. A tear rolled down Demoman’s face as he set Soldier down gently, who then proceeded to roll around the tornado and back into the base to safety.

“I will, Jane. I will.” Demoman got up from where he stood, and looked towards the truck with renewed vigor. However, he didn’t expect to see Pyro grappling with Engineer. Pyro looked furious, and Engineer looked both terrified and angry. With the tornado approaching, there was nowhere to go but forward. He started to climb up.

***

Heavy and Medic had finally made it behind Engineer. Thanks to Sniper, two of the outside fans and one of the truck fans were malfunctioning or entirely broker. However, the one fan facing them directly was still on and blasting winds at full speeds.

“Demo’s reached the target.” Sniper told them.

“I’ll activate my charge, Heavy. Let’s go.” Medic said. A leaf flew into his mouth as he spoke, and he coughed. Then, charging in, he flipped the switch for the Quick-Fix. Suddenly the force of the winds faded away, and they ran, unencumbered. However, when they reached the truck, it exploded in front of them. That must be Sniper at work. Sharp pieces of debris flew at them, and Medic was grateful that Heavy had not ditched the crate shield. After all of the shards had flown past, Heavy lowered the shield. Demoman had just climbed up the huge energy block, and Pyro looked like they were shoving at Engineer inside the truck.

“I’ll end you for what you did to Jane!” Demoman bellowed and ran to the truck.

“Demo, we’re here.” Medic said. Suddenly another explosion occurred on the side. Sniper took out yet another huge fan. There was only one left in the vicinity. But the tornado was still there looking pretty grim. It was only a little far from Demoman.

Engineer did a double take, (double the betrayal, so that was only the appropriate reaction), but was still preoccupied with a very angry pyrotechnician, and thus could do nothing about Demoman. However, the problem was solved when suddenly the Scotsman was pulled into the swirling vortex.

“DrrmrR!” Pyro cried out as Demoman was swept away.

“Noooooooo!” He reached out a hand to Pyro. In a second, he had vanished among the flying bits of debris and leaves. Pyro seized their flamethrower and jabbed Engineer with it to stop him from following and lept out of the truck.

“Pyro, nein!” Medic shouted, but to no avail, as Pyro did not have an earpiece at the moment. They stood in front of the tornado, and blasted out a puff of air. Somehow this was effective. Engineer, despite having eleven PhDs in all sorts of engineering and scientific fields, could not fathom the way the tornado was blown backwards a couple of feet. Another explosion occurred, and all of the fans surrounding the truck we’re down.

“Medic. We go get Engineer.” Heavy said, and Medic nodded. Pyro could keep the natural disaster busy while they climbed up and seized Engineer. With all of the nearby fans rendered useless, the tornado seemed to dissipate a little bit. There were still the massive ones on the outer perimeter blowing in opposite directions that continued to mix into a destructive force (that was currently being proven to be less destructive than Pyro). Heavy, despite looking to be a solid two to three hundred pound man, made it up the wall quickly. Medic watched in awe.

***

Sniper, from the fort, watched the whole thing unfold through his scope. He had just taken down a farther fan away, but he was fixed on Pyro who was literally using wind to blow back other wind. Suddenly he saw Engineer begin to get up, and he narrowed his eyes.

“Oh no you don’t, Truckie.” He muttered, and then somehow loaded a carrot (these were baby carrots, not the pointed ones) into his rifle. It was his non-lethal bullet. And Engineer hated vegetables. He set his rifle up and aimed. Engineer was approaching Pyro and his mouth was open, probably yelling something. Sniper exhaled, focusing on the Texan. Time slowed as he zeroed in on his target. Engineer’s mouth flapped about in slow-motion, which looked actually really funny.

“Heh.” Sniper chuckled, and then the smile fell from his face as he squeezed the trigger.


	6. engineer_rekt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> honestly, i dont know how i got here

Meanwhile, Engineer wasn’t yelling out any words in particular. It sounded more like a battle cry. However, before he could get any closer to Pyro, something had zoomed towards him and lodged itself in his mouth.

He stumbled back, widening his maw as a freshly-washed, clean, orange carrot sailed directly past his lips and hit his throat. His eyes widened as the vulgar taste set in, and then the pain. Carrots, he thought, as his knees buckled. And then he passed out. Heavy had just made it up to see the whole thing happen. He gave a thumbs up, hopefully in the view of Sniper, then mouthed out “GG.” with a straight face.

“Pyro!” Heavy shouted, hoisting Engineer’s body up onto his shoulder. Pyro glanced back. Heavy squinted, suddenly aware that the tornado looked slightly more massive than it had before. Pyro had not only been pushing the tornado away, but had been feeding it more air. But, you win some, you lose some. Heavy, who had a soft spot for Pyro, dashed forward and grabbed Pyro with his other arm. However, in the moment, the tornado had gotten closer and stronger. Engineer’s unconscious body suddenly flew off of Heavy’s shoulder. Heavy gritted his teeth, tightened his grip on Pyro and jumped off back to where Medic was, on the side farther away from the tornado. Luckily, the flamethrower was safely in Pyro’s hands.

“We need to get out of here.” Heavy announced. The tornado was there and growing larger, and Sniper was definitely having trouble shooting at the other fans because of all of the flying leaves and debris. A leaf slapped him on the face, but he made no indication that he noticed.

“Ja. Come on, Herr Pyro.” Medic said. “What was Engineer up to anyway?” He asked as he attached a healing beam to the firebug. He did need to build up a charge so they could escape more easily. Pyro launched into a muffled explanation. Medic could barely comprehend it because they were speaking so fast.

“Pyro. Cannot understand.” Heavy interjected. “We have time and Medic needs to build charge. Use sign.” In times when Pyro had to say something long, they switched to sign language. Heavy and Medic were some of the only ones who could understand the signs well (the rest of the team only knew the basics), and watched as Pyro made several hand signals. Dysarthria, Medic thought. Not only did Pyro have to speak through a mask, they also had a speech disorder, which made it difficult for them to verbally express large ideas.

“I see.” Medic said after they finished. Sometimes Engineer tried a little too hard to be a good Team Dad. He had reached 100% charge during Pyro’s explanation, so they were able to go.

“Thank you.” Medic signed, and then the three of them were off as Medic rapid-fire switched the Quick-Fix charge between Heavy and Pyro.

***

Demoman landed on the ground somewhere (he wasn’t sure where) and groaned in pain. However, after a solid ten minutes of flying about in dust and leaves, it was nice to feel something solid beneath me. His head spun and his body ached, but he was alive. He blinked his one eye open and saw that the air was still around him. But as he sat up, he realized he was directly in the center of the tornado. The eye of the tornado. Hoo boy. Masses of dirt and leaves and probably a couple of trees swirled around him, but didn’t touch him. As he looked up, it seemed like a glowing green light shined down on him. Rain drizzled lightly down, sparkling as it caught the ethereal green light.

Demoman debated if this was a product of being drunk a good chunk of his life, or if he quite literally was in the middle a bloody tornado. Suddenly Engineer’s body flew out from the dirt cloud in front of him and hit him square in the torso. Demoman fell back down, this time with a Texan blanket lying across his chest. Both of them were unconscious.

***

“Sorry, Medic.” Sniper whispered as he tried yet another position. There were only two fans left, and yet he could not find them. There was too much dirt and too many leaves in the air, blocking his vision. “I’m trying to hit them but there’s too much stuff in the air.” He was frustrated.

“Ach, Sniper, it’s fine.” Medic assured him. “You have already done a lot. And we are almost at one fan. If we take care of this one, you can get the other, ja?”

“Alright.” Sniper acquiesced, and continued to look around through his scope.

“Yo, Snipes!” A voice called from behind him, and he turned to glance. It was Scout, who was still wrapped up in a blanket like a burrito, and had somehow rolled up the ladder to the roof. “I found this thing that flew in through a window.” He pointed his chin down to the rectangular shaped thing that was half stuck in the blanket. “I think it’s Hardhat’s.” Sniper dashed over and tugged it out. It looked just like Engineer’s machine-destruction button. Sniper had seen the stocky man fly into the tornado, so it didn’t seem too strange that some of this things would fly off. He pressed down on the button.

***

Demoman was suddenly awakened by a huge mass of dirt falling directly into his open mouth. However, it had been a mistake to look up, because the dirt was followed by a huge mass of leaves drifting down on top of him. Patches of his sight were slowly covered as they leaves began to bury him. His eye closed again. He was probably dreaming, anyway.

***

“It’s a miracle!” Medic exclaimed. In a second, the remaining fans had self-destructed. With no more wind powering the tornado, it had dissipated completely. All of the leaves and dirt had stopped swirling about, and fell straight down. Even the rain had ceased. Heavy had the good sense to hold the crate shield up to protect them from it. However, he realized, it might not be too helpful in the end. The leaves had already reached his chest level, which meant Pyro was entirely covered, and Medic’s head was the only visible part. Pyro was extremely happy, and was glad that the tiny flame at the end of their flamethrower had extinguished, or else the huge leaf pile would be set aflame. They ran through the leaf-fall, arms waving.

***

Soldier and Spy had followed Scout up to the roof (and all of them were stilled wrapped up in blankets). They and Sniper all stood there, jaws dropped as the disastrous tornado transformed into a beautiful fluttery fall of delicate leaves, decorating the reddening sky with various shades of orange. Sniper stepped forward, looking up and holding his hands out. A red leaf struck through with bursts of yellow landed gently on his palm. Scout looked as if he was about to cry, his eyes sparkling with tears that had yet to fall. Soldier was already crying into Spy’s blanket and no one knew how they managed to stay upright.

Sniper’s lip trembled at the beautiful sight, and then he buried his face in his hands.

***

Pyro had gone in a straight line after separating from Heavy and Medic, and once they reached a certain area not too far from the front of the fort, they dove into the leaves. Then, they fished out a hand and pulled it up.

“Drrmrr!” They said happily, tucking another hand under Demoman’s armpit to drag him up. Demoman’s head surfaced, and he looked unconscious and also with a mouthful of dirt and leaves.

“Heuh?” He managed to say, before his eyes opened and he realized that there were indeed many unsavory things in his mouth. Demoman proceeded to have a violent bout of coughing and fall back into the mass of leaves, dragging Pyro down with them.

“Awe man, I am so jumping in.” Scout said, and then hopped to the edge of the roof. He proceeded to front flip even without his arms, and disappeared into the mass of leaves next to Pyro. However, he landed on someone.

“What the-? Scout?!” Came a muffled cry from the leaves. It was Engineer. Heavy’s face, from at least a solid two hundred feet away, suddenly hardened. He bridged the distance between him and Engineer at an impressive speed that put Scout to shame, forcibly grabbed Engineer by the back of his overalls and zoomed off into the fort. The team would soon learn that Engineer had been caged into the Time Out Corner. 


	7. the finale (or is it)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> finally the summary actually happens. they actually do the play in the pile part. gg.
> 
> this may or may not be a setup for a sequel or something

However, they were not in the mood to concern themselves with Engineer at the moment. While one might expect that the mercs would be tired of leaves after the tornado fiasco, they were all content to relax in the leaves while watching the sunset. Or, in Soldier and Spy’s case, they were content to sit on the roof together. Sniper thought it might be best go give them room, so it was with a yodel or something of the sort that he leaped down into the mass below and left the two alone. Heavy returned without Engineer, and assured Medic that the tiny man would not be leaving the timeout pen anytime soon. Medic wisely did not question him any further. The team would soon see just how securely the Texan had been Imprisoned in the pen.

  
Spy had freed his arms of the blanket a little bit ago, and Soldier took the opportunity to place one of his hands on Spy’s. Spy started, and then turned to look at his beloved, who, despite having a large helmet blocking both of his eyes, was gazing at Spy with an affection that was reserved for his significant other only. Spy’s lip trembled as he matched Soldier’s look, and he smiled upon seeing Soldier’s blue eyes (at least, he would have seen them if there wasn’t blue gray metal hanging in front of them).

  
“Je- I mean,” Spy began as leaned closer. “I must have all the luck in the world to have you, Jane.” He said softly. Soldier smiled, and arranged their hands so that his blocky fingers were entwined with Spy’s gloved, dainty ones.

  
“Not as lucky as I am to have you.” Soldier whispered, turning his whole body so he could take Spy’s other hand. Spy’s heart swelled with love and affection and leaned in.

  
As the two lovebirds moved to kiss each other, Sniper hooted loudly from below. Spy jumped, and in doing so, accidentally slammed his face into Soldier’s, resulting in a messy smooch (possible black eyes as well from the helmet hitting his eyes). Sniper’s yell increased in volume and he jumped up and down in excitement. Pyro had gone to put their flamethrower next to the base, and had just returned to witness Sniper’s shrieking. They had to seize his hand and drag him underneath the sea of leaves so that Soldier and Spy could be happy in peace. Scout surfaced (still burrito-ed in a blanket) and he looked longingly at the two mercenaries up on the roof. In his envy, he glanced around for a suitable candidate to receive his affections. To his chagrin, Demoman and Pyro were already rolling around in the leaves together while Sniper was currently drowning.

  
The only unoccupied teammates left were Heavy and Medic, the latter of which did not care for romantic feelings. Thus, Heavy it was. Scout, despite having all of his limbs restrained in his blanket burrito, sprung forth from the leaves and launched himself towards his target. Unfortunately, rather than Heavy catching the projectile flying at him, he stepped to the side. This had the effect of Scout crashing all the way through the wall headfirst. In the midst of the sounds of destruction, one could hear Engineer grunt in pain. Heavy smiled a little bit. And with that to lift Heavy’s spirits, he shouted something in Russian and did a mighty leap, cannonballing into the leaf mass (coincidentally landing on Sniper). Pyro and Demo leaped out of the way, and then had the miraculous idea of dog piling on Sniper, and thus they both landed on top of Heavy. Medic watched from afar, mildly amused, and then he, too, threw himself into the fray.

  
Meanwhile, Soldier glanced down at the carnage. He was currently ensconced lovingly in Spy’s arms.

  
“I can’t believe it, crouton.” He said suddenly, causing Spy to shift and look over. “They’re having fun without us.” Spy’s eyes narrowed as he saw the rest of the team wrestling each other (even Medic, who normally refrained from such behavior).

  
“Well, mon petit ami, I believe we should rectify this.” Spy announced. Soldier frowned for a second.

  
“I’m your little friend? Spy, I’m bigger than you.” He commented, confused. Spy reached a hand out and rested it on Soldier’s cheek.

  
“It only means that you are my lover.” Spy said fondly as color rushed to Soldier’s cheeks.

  
“Oh.” Soldier looked away for a moment, embarrassed. “French is weird.”

  
Spy laughed at that, and then stood up, pulling Soldier up as well.

  
“On y va!” Soldier called out, with a fairly impressive accent. A tear rolled down Spy’s face; he was so proud. The two held hands, and then together they plummeted into the chaos below.

  
Sniper was miraculously alive, and had managed to fight his way out from underneath Heavy. Unfortunately, his freedom was short-lived, because Spy and Soldier suddenly fell from the sky directly on top of him.

  
“Agghhh!” Sniper yelled in pain.

  
“Apologies, private!” Soldier cried out upon contact. Sniper probably replied, but no one could hear it because he was too far down.  
Heavy let out a war cry as he lifted up an absurd amount of leaves and hurled it on the S-trio. However, he was thwarted from another throw by Pyro shoving a bunch of wet leaves down his shirt. Demoman laughed heartily at that one, and even harder when Heavy attempted to return the favor. There was no way for Heavy to get anything in Pyro’s suit, so he gave up that plan and merely lifted the pyrotechnician up and chucked them at Sniper, Soldier and Spy. All four of them went beneath the surface, rolling in the deep leaves.

  
Then it was Heavy who suddenly roared as he vanished into the void. It turns out that Medic was quite adept at navigating through giant leaf piles in secrecy, sort of like deep-sea diving. He used that skill to make his way to Heavy, where he used all the strength in his old-man-bones to pull at Heavy’s ankle, who went down like a rock.

  
The sun moved down as the team frolicked in the leaves, darkening the sky. It really was quite a beautiful sight: the red glow of sunset illuminating the base, the fiery leaves dancing about the wind, the Scout-sized hole in the base. Pyro popped up from the leaf-sea in time to watch Medic successfully attack his next victim (Soldier) and drag him underneath. They laughed, appreciative of Medic’s play. It wasn’t too often that the team got to just have fun outside of the base. Normally, they were either getting killed by the other team, or they were getting killed by whatever supernatural nonsense just happened to occur that day.

  
Pyro smiled, but no one could see it through their mask. They truly enjoyed times like these, and they were very happy they could spend it with their teammates.

  
Well, they thought, looking back at the base, sans Engineer. Pyro’s flamethrower had been carefully put back near the base after the menace had been defeated. No matter Engineer’s intentions were with the whole tornado thing, he had touched it.

  
And that was an offense that would be paid for in due time.

  
“Pyro!” Heavy’s booming voice suddenly called out. Pyro looked over and saw Heavy’s hand filled with a large clump of leaves. Sniper wrestled with Medic as he attempted to pull him under while Soldier and Spy circled around Demoman, each using him as a shield from their lover. There was a little rowdiness missing from the scene, as Scout had probably passed out after breaking through the base wall and then some. The only other member absent was the perpetrator of the entire disaster, and Pyro did not mind the lack of Texan.

  
Despite that crimes that had conspired at the base that night, Pyro was still ready to have fun, and they leaped back into the fray where they belonged.


End file.
